If I could be a type of painting, I would be a simple line painting. I imagine I would have a combination of a few colors staging my background, there being one bold color to make my focal point pop.
Line paintings for me evoke a command to be still, to observe, and to feel.
They draw the viewer in closer to inspect if they are seeing what the artist intended for them to see.
It gives the observer a chance to possibly see themselves.
Growing up I wanted to be every unreserved professional you can think of. I talking: an actor, a professional race car driver, a professional boxer, a professional ice skater, a safarian, a circus acrobat, and an overall artist.
Now while some in the listing still hold true, it’s safe to say I’ve laid majority of them to rest.
Did you notice ‘professional’ was placed in front of almost every profession listed. That was purposeful, and I realize that now even if I didn’t back then.
I desired to be great and I mean skilled, phenomenal, and efficient at everything that I did. I didn’t want to be entertaining just for my family and friends I wanted to change lives, inspire and motivate while getting paid to do so. IN MOVIES.
That’s totally normal, right?
I did not imagine speeding on the highway getting tickets for reckless driving but I wanted to win races, the ones even the police came to watch and paid a fee at the gate to do so!
I wanted to have fun, not to mention (clearly mentioning) a career is long term adventure and no matter how unconventional or unrealistic it seemed to others… it had to be possible. There WERE/ ARE professional race car drivers, professional boxers, professional ice-skaters and all the rest of them.
I guess the only difference in our approach was they (the unbelievers) thought “How you?, Why you?, Girl get a degree for a real job?”
I thought “why not me”. I wanted to be one those professionals and I really believed I could.
Isn’t that just like life though? Can you think of a moment in your life where you desired to do something or had an idea that everyone thought was outlandish?
Or my absolute favorite… (outside of one just being supportive and having faith) the non-reassuring head nod and fake smile that says, “you’re dreaming but I won’t crush your dreams by saying so”
I use to carry the weight of feeling as if everyone had dropped me, failed me in numerous ways, and simply didn’t believe in me. Until I did some soul searching and came to the understanding that none of those things were true. Sometimes we as normal human beings throw ourselves a little pity party, disregarding the facts and off put taking responsibility for where we failed ourselves.
Because it’s easier to blame someone else.
It’s easier to tell a person where they went wrong than it is to administer self-correction.
It’s easier to state what it looks like than it is to dig deeper, find the root and face it.
Fact is: it’s natural for one to be apprehensive, unbelieving, or disinterested in an idea or thought that they have never heard of or known someone successful with such notions.
Really think about this thing. Does anything come to mind that someone has tried to get you interested in and because it was foreign, you rejected?
Now for taking responsibility, while slowly my hurt from my family and friends began seep into my confidence, I allowed it to happen.
Greatness is something that is personal and the definition of such can vary from person to person.
It is your job and your job only to believe in yourself and make sure you are put in places where others have no choice but to believe in you too. The flip side to this picture is that if you fail, which often happens a multitude of times prior to taking off, it is also your job to pick yourself back up. If you are fortunate enough, you may have a group of people, family, friends, or all three who are waiting to dust you off but if not… again this is personal. #keepgoing!
Great things never come from comfort zones. To be in a space where the people you love can’t see what you see for your future is extremely uncomfortable, but you have to push past that feeling and lock in to what you believe is yours.
You have to lay with you at night. So my advice, is do not stop until YOU are proud.
Earlier I said I had laid the desire for some of the professions listed to rest. All except for two with a few modifications.
It is still my goal to become an actor, and because of this on the 21st of July, 2019 I (more so a homeboy of mine whom I am forever grateful for) packed up all of my belongings in a UHAL truck and I relocated to Atlanta Georgia. I contemplated the move for about 4 months and made my final decision 3 weeks before I moved into my first apartment alone.
8 hours away from my home town.
The other profession I have turned into a hobby, and taken away the ice. Haha
I am in the process of purchasing quad roller-skates. For years I have been in awe at how people danced with skates on and did so, so effortlessly. They literally look as if they are flying and dancing in the air… at the same time.
My goal is to embody roll-bounce vibes, so stay tuned. I may post a video of the beginning stages.
Moving to Atlanta by lonesome without any family was a huge risk, some may say.
But for me, it was a game changer. I knew I needed a change of scenery and energy to not let this dream of mine die. As for skating, many people have told me, since I didn’t learn when I was younger I should just leave it alone but I think my 22-year-old bones can take it! I will not allow them to place limitations on me, that they have placed on themselves.
As I get older, I pray my spirit stays child-like. Fearless and curious.
If I were to write a short letter to my Future Self possibly 63-year-old me, it would say “Be child-like and light in your mind and on your feet. Jump to what you desire to do without being weighed down by the pressures of others.
I believe sometimes we make things harder than it has to be, the crazy part about it is once we realize that part, we’ve done the hard part.
“What if I fall?
Oh, but darling,
What if you fly?”
-Erin Hanson and Winnie Pooh
My challenge to you this week is to think simple and light, like a line painting.
Until next time Beautiful Beings