City and state, please

As I write my post this week the question that comes to mind is “Where am I?”

Well at this very moment I am sitting smack dead (a little country slang for ya) in the middle of my two-piece sectional, somewhat crisscrossed except the bottom of my feet are flat against each other. To break it down even further, my couch is in my living room, my living room is in my apartment, my apartment is in Georgia, and Georgia is in the world so yeah, ya girl is HERE okay!

I am here!

That answer was fun to come up with and very much so literal, but seriously where am I? Mentally, non-physical.

I am in a place where I understand that there are two things that are impossible to co-exist: fear and faith. One is an emotion and the other is a belief.

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.

Faith is defined as complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

So if we were to break this thing down (breaking it down) Fear is an emotion, an unpleasant one, and emotion is a natural instinctive state of mind originating from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

It’s safe to say, fear is normal! It’s an instinct that we all have to protect ourselves… but are we really protecting ourselves? OR hindering ourselves?

And Faith is a belief, having complete trust. Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

In summation faith starts off alone as a belief that everything is going to work out for the good.

Whereas fear starts off as an emotion caused by the belief that everything is going to work out for the worst.

Whewh! That was a brain full, but after breaking it down it allows you to put a magnifying glass up to a few things.

Why am I afraid to have that one conversation?

Why haven’t I started writing the book I want publish?

Why haven’t I drawn the logo for my brand?

Why haven’t I booked that photo shoot?

Why haven’t I taken the test?

Why haven’t I replied to that email… to that text?

Maybe… it’s fear that has put a hold on things for you. It had for me anyway. Anything that I was putting off until “later” ultimately was because I had made up in my mind that there was a very high chance the outcome would not be in my favor.

If I had thought otherwise… if I had thought there was no way on earth that I could fail, I would have done it already.

I have realized that I can control my fears or let them control me. First recognize that there is a fear and then face it head on… but the key is to switch that fear into faith. Fear is no more than a mental projection so throw positive energy towards whatever it is that you plan on overtaking. Continuously remind yourself that what is supposed to happen, will happen, and what isn’t, won’t.

Where am I?

I am in a place where I am rejecting all things, people and places that to not serve me well.

I have this theory that if one is not helping, they are hurting… or just taking up space which in the long run can slow me down.

My truth is, I want to be loved, I want to be thought about, I want to be desired, I want to go places and do things that feel good, I want to be useful and effective, and I want to continuously grow into a better version of myself.

The truth is none of these things will take place with the wrong people in the wrong places, doing the wrong things.

Taking an evaluation of the company I keep and the environment which I place myself has been key. The saying often holds true, “you are a product of your environment”.  Or the quote “Show me your friends, and I will show you your future” which is a biblical concept found in Proverbs 13:20 “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble”.

It sounds so simple but the teaching is heavy as bricks.

One of the hardest things for us mere humans to do is remove people from our lives who have been there for a long time, but think about it like this… if you have been ineffective in each other’s lives for a long time you’ve also been taking up space for a long time too.

A way to assess an environment or a person is to see if they align with the desires you have for your life.

I want to be loved. Do they love me? Do I feel love when I am around them?

I want to be useful and effective. Am I effective in their life? How? What impact have I made? What changes have I seen?

I want to continuously grow into a better version of myself. Are they pushing me to better? Am I growing or being stagnant in their presence? What do our conversations sound like?

I want to do things and go places that feel good. But do these places compromise my growth? Do I retreat back to my old way when I go to these places?

These questions must be answered and then a decision must be made with actions that follow.

Where am I?

I am in a place where doing the ground work to remain in high spirits and keeping a healthy being is priority for me.

Ever since I was a young wart hog, I’ve availed myself of every word search and puzzle I could get my hands on. Anyone that knows me, knows I am an extroverted ball of energy.

I meet no strangers and I never stay in one place for too long. Activities such as reading a book or completing word searches disciplining myself to find the words in the order in which they are listed, help me to slow down. To be still, listen to my breath, and calm my mind gazing for two letters side by side.

When I wake in the morning often times I will go straight to the bathroom, brush my teeth and wash my face, return to my room opening the blinds, and then sitting in what yogis call sukhasana pose. Out loud I began to pray/give thanks for all of the things I am grateful for including that very moment to find stillness and appreciation at the same time. I then voice my intentions for the day and sometimes my expectations all while humbling myself in the end saying that if it not His will… for me to be okay with what is.

During the day, if I become flustered, irritated, or just bothered by thoughts running through my mind I release those thoughts.

I release by stating the things that are bothering me aloud and with complete honesty, baring no guilt because I am human and I am allowed to feel.

For an example: “I am annoyed, extremely annoyed because while I finally got my electric bill down this month, I accidently put my card number in and not my account number therefore the payment bounced and because it bounced I was charged an extra 30 dollars! Which defeats the point of me getting my electric bill down”

I also follow with “This sucks.. it really really sucks, but it was a mistake on my part and I can’t change it. Bosses slip up sometimes, and I am a Boss so I must shake it off”

 AND WAHLAH. A little self-pep-talk is all I needed.

True Story by the way, this happened 2 weeks ago.

It’s okay to talk to yourself people and to answer yourself too. Just don’t caught doing it.

It helps keep me level headed. I wouldn’t lie to you, but again don’t get caught.

Last week a good friend of mine sent me a website where I could write a letter to my future self and receive it up to 5 years later from the day I wrote it. I chose to write one to my 23 almost 24-year-old self (a year from now). My birthday is June 26th so I will receive my letter a few months before my birthday day.

I thought it would be cool to see how much I would have grown from now. Basically I snitched on myself. I told myself the things I was doing and thinking at the moment. I told my older self the mental space I am currently in. I asked myself was I still there, in that same space.

While I am here today…I pray that when my letter reaches me, I will be somewhere else. Somewhere better than here.

Even though here is pretty great.

Where am I?

I am here, but not for long.

Where are you?

“City and State please.

…. No, your mental state my love?”

Until next time beautiful beings #keepgoing

-Courtney B.

4 Comments

  1. Bobby M

    Wow! That was mind blowing! I learned some things that I think I’m going to apply to my life as well, thanks for posting this Coco ❤️

    Like

  2. Courtney B.

    My heart is so happy that my writing is relatable and provided some food for thought.This was my hope for this piece.
    We are all growing through and learning how navigate our feelings. I hope 1 if not all of my tactics work for you.

    Like

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